Thursday, September 27, 2012

Time passes...

As time passes seemingly slowly, I have to stop and remind myself of where I was 5 years ago.  I had just graduated from college at the age of 33...not many in my family have even had the opportunity to go to college, but I now found myself in a career.  I had never intended to be a career woman.  It happened out of necessity...I was drowning deeper and deeper in debt, and needed to take out payday loans to pay the rent and buy groceries.  I loved the job I was working, but I was at my "pay ceiling" and could never advance.  I was single...I felt I had no choice.  So, I went to nursing school.  My life got better in many ways after I was finally able to graduate from college.  My sister, who became permanently disabled in 2006, and I were able to move to a better neighborhood.  I was able to get rid of my crushing debt, because I actually made enough money to pay off what was behind. My credit improved, and in 2009, I was able to buy a house.  I never thought I would be able to own my own home.  So even though my career choice is incredibly stressful, it has been a saving grace for me.  Without the grace of God, my family and friends, and sheer stubbornness on my part, I would not have made it...but I did, and now I don't have to worry about money.  It is a good feeling.  It also opened the door to let me think about a dream that I had all but given up on...motherhood.  Well, now that is in sight, but I know it will still be months of hoops to jump through before I can bring my little princess home.  So I remind myself that I have been a licensed Registered Nurse for over 5 years now, and that time has flown.  So, hopefully, this time will fly, too!!

I have my psych eval this afternoon.  I am excited to get it out of the way...it is just another hoop that I am more than willing to jump through to get to "Gerri".  She may not know who I am, but I believe she knows I am coming.  Is that strange?  She is 21 months old, but I hope and pray that she can sense me coming for her.  I hope the time flies for her too.  I remember being a little girl, putting dolls up my blouse and pretending I was giving birth to them...when I was young I always assumed that by this age my kids (4 girls, by the way) would be teenagers.  Just because the dream does not turn out the way you planned, does not mean it will not turn out perfectly for you.  I believe it.  I trust it.  I have faith in it, and I am so happy for it.  I am also so happy to have met all the people through Reece's Rainbow that are going through this journey as well.  Reading their posts, I have laughed, shed tears, and prayed.  I hope they find mine in some way uplifting. I am grateful and humbled by my friends and family who have donated, prayed, and been supportive of me.  I hope you won't all be too sick of this process when it is finally time to bring "Gerri" home.

Thank you all for all you have done for me!!  To those I have yet to meet, I hope to get to meet you all some day!  You are all appreciated, loved, prayed for, and valued!

2 comments:

  1. Oh, I am so happy to have found this blog! A few months ago, I was on RR, and stopped dead in my tracks at Gerri’s picture. My heart immediately melted and I felt like crying. She’s so beautiful- adorable brown hair, perfect lips, and the warmest little eyes! I inquired about her only to find someone else had already “found” her and was going to be her Mama! I’ll admit to being disappointed, but I prayed that she’d be loved immensely and “ooohed and ahhhed” over for many, many years! Can I just share that I am SO EXCITED you’re going to be her mommy!! You always wonder where these little ones end up, and I’m so happy for YOU and for Gerri! I’ll be praying for you both! Please let me know if you need anything- anything (not just an empty offer)! Enjoy your little princess, and keep all of us updated! I can’t even tell you how happy I feel for you!

    Love from your sister in Christ,

    Sarah

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    Replies
    1. Prayers are always appreciated!!! I appreciate your post! Hopefully you can meet her someday!!

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