Calm

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

As I sit here in the silence by the light of the Christmas tree (yes, the tree is still up) I read posts and stories from others on facebook who are in the same boat as I am.  I am grateful for them, because we all pray for each other, and we are all support for each other.  Support is so important...it can be the calm in the storm.  I had a breakdown at work the other night.  I was in tears for a good portion of the 12.5 hour shift, and feeling depressed and in a fog.  I did not think I could handle the next night, and they were kind enough to let me stay home on call and not call me in...they could not possibly know how much that meant to me...and I got a lot of rest, did a lot of praying, and felt rejuvenated in the morning.  Every time I pray for all of us and the children that we will all be able to complete our adoptions, I am filled with an amazing sense of peace.  Is it God telling me that my prayers are answered, or is it just me following my own advice?  I have a pretty little pewter necklace around the rear view mirror of my Honda CR-V that is a flying angel...on her side it says "Let go and let God".  I have always believed this statement, and have spent the last few years devoid of worry because I believe it.  I am no longer worried.  Will I still be able to adopt the little angel I believe is my daughter.  I don't know. But I have to believe that if I cannot, that she is meant to be cared for by someone else who will love her as much as I already do.  

So, for those of you of faith, please continue to pray for all of us entangled in this mess.  For those of you who are not spiritual or religious (and I have many friends and family that are not, and they are of equal value to me) please continue to send good thoughts our way.  You will never know how much it is appreciated by us all...could you also send good vibes and prayers for the Russian citizens who are rallying for their children to be adopted??  They put themselves in great peril to fight for the children, and they need protecting!

Hold tight, "Gerri"...I am doing everything in my power to get to you soon!!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!!


I am doing some Christmas "baking" and listening to Celtic Ladies on the Stereo singing Christmas carols.  I am thinking of my little girl in R and just hoping someone is holding her and singing to her now.  I hope she is warm and well fed.  Most of all, I hope I will be able to continue with my adoption.

I am hopeful.  I don't believe for a second that I was meant to go through all of this and not be able to bring her home.  I trust in God that things will work out for the best.  I still have a little nagging fear, however...I guess I am human after all!!  Know this, little princess, I will do everything in my power to come and bring you home to a loving forever family.  You are loved.  You are cherished.  I want you as much as I did the second I laid eyes on your picture, and I know that prayer works, which I cannot wait to teach you someday soon!!  Keep your chin up, little angel!!  Mummy is coming!!!

Prayers needed

Hello all...I am a bad blogger...first of all, I have the feeling sometimes that nobody wants to hear what I have to say, and well...I do work full time and am in college again!!

Anyway, I have a lot more of the paperwork together and will be sending it off this week.  I need to get a hold of my social worker and meet with her...so there is some movement in my process.  There has been some stories in the news today, however, that the Russian government may ban US adoptions of Russian children...so I am asking for prayers that this does not happen.  Not just for my adoption, but for all the other children who are more likely to get a family in the US than in their native land...

I am going to keep my chin up and proceed as if I will be able to complete my adoption, but as always, prayers are appreciated.  All of us in this process could use a Christmas miracle!!

I hope everyone has a great holiday season and a fantastic new year.  I plan to!!!  Thanks again for all your support!!  You are all eternally appreciated and loved!!

A Note to "Gerri's" Birth Mother

Dear Birth Mother,

I want you to know how much I appreciate the sacrifice you made in giving up your little girl. You knew you could not give her the life you wanted her to have, and it was a difficult and selfless decision you made in placing her up for adoption.  I know you did this in the hope that someone would come along who could not only give her the medical care and therapies she may need for the rest of her life, but also love her as their own.  I promise you that the baby you gave birth to will be loved, cherished, and treated as though she grew in my own body.  I will provide her with any care she needs, and more love than she could ever desire.  You see, because of your selfless gift, I get to be her Mama.  If not for your selfless gift, I would never have been able to become a Mama at all.  You will always be in my thoughts and prayers, and I truly hope your life is happy and fulfilling.  I promise, that because of the gift you bestowed onto me, my life will be fulfilled, and so will the life of the girl to whom you chose to give life, and a better life.  May God's blessings forever be showered upon you and those you love.  Many would criticize your decision.  I will always know that what you did was done from a love only a mother could understand.  From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you...for my baby girl.

Ali

Time passes...

As time passes seemingly slowly, I have to stop and remind myself of where I was 5 years ago.  I had just graduated from college at the age of 33...not many in my family have even had the opportunity to go to college, but I now found myself in a career.  I had never intended to be a career woman.  It happened out of necessity...I was drowning deeper and deeper in debt, and needed to take out payday loans to pay the rent and buy groceries.  I loved the job I was working, but I was at my "pay ceiling" and could never advance.  I was single...I felt I had no choice.  So, I went to nursing school.  My life got better in many ways after I was finally able to graduate from college.  My sister, who became permanently disabled in 2006, and I were able to move to a better neighborhood.  I was able to get rid of my crushing debt, because I actually made enough money to pay off what was behind. My credit improved, and in 2009, I was able to buy a house.  I never thought I would be able to own my own home.  So even though my career choice is incredibly stressful, it has been a saving grace for me.  Without the grace of God, my family and friends, and sheer stubbornness on my part, I would not have made it...but I did, and now I don't have to worry about money.  It is a good feeling.  It also opened the door to let me think about a dream that I had all but given up on...motherhood.  Well, now that is in sight, but I know it will still be months of hoops to jump through before I can bring my little princess home.  So I remind myself that I have been a licensed Registered Nurse for over 5 years now, and that time has flown.  So, hopefully, this time will fly, too!!

I have my psych eval this afternoon.  I am excited to get it out of the way...it is just another hoop that I am more than willing to jump through to get to "Gerri".  She may not know who I am, but I believe she knows I am coming.  Is that strange?  She is 21 months old, but I hope and pray that she can sense me coming for her.  I hope the time flies for her too.  I remember being a little girl, putting dolls up my blouse and pretending I was giving birth to them...when I was young I always assumed that by this age my kids (4 girls, by the way) would be teenagers.  Just because the dream does not turn out the way you planned, does not mean it will not turn out perfectly for you.  I believe it.  I trust it.  I have faith in it, and I am so happy for it.  I am also so happy to have met all the people through Reece's Rainbow that are going through this journey as well.  Reading their posts, I have laughed, shed tears, and prayed.  I hope they find mine in some way uplifting. I am grateful and humbled by my friends and family who have donated, prayed, and been supportive of me.  I hope you won't all be too sick of this process when it is finally time to bring "Gerri" home.

Thank you all for all you have done for me!!  To those I have yet to meet, I hope to get to meet you all some day!  You are all appreciated, loved, prayed for, and valued!

Dreaming

I had a wonderful dream last night.  Gerri was in my arms, and coming home to me.  I had a successful adoption with few obstacles.  She was all smiles and laughs, and somehow speaking to me in perfect English and calling me Mummy, which is what I think I will have her call me.  I think this wonderful dream was brought on by all the talk with my wonderful coworkers yesterday morning.  I was just getting off work (for those who don't know, I work in a hospital as a nurse and work 12.5 hour nights) and speaking to some of the wonderful ladies on day shift.  Heidi, a fellow nurse, was telling me how she wants to set up weekly play dates with her youngest daughter Wendy and my Gerri...Wendy is just 6 months older than Gerri.  Heidi was also telling me about a free adaptive preschool here in Nampa that she has her older daughter Brianna in...she says she is sure that Gerri would qualify.  Very exciting news for me.  She also told me that she is crocheting a blanket for Gerri...really brought tears to my eyes.  Brenda, one of the day shift CNA's that is currently in school to become a nurse, slipped me $10 for my puzzle fundraiser (thanks, Brenda)! and was telling me of some wonderful resources for fun, healthy foods to feed kids.  I cannot believe the outpouring of support and love I have received from my friends and family.  You guys rock and will always be greatly appreciated!!!

I also cannot believe the love I feel for this little girl.  I could easily stare at her picture for hours and just long to get my hands on her.  I have so many things I have purchased for her...her car seat, stroller, dresser, clothes, toys...my step-sister Patti gave me a toddler bed for her which my sister Lori lovingly painted pale green.  I have an old set of shelves that came from the cabin my mother and step-father used to own...my sister painted it lavender last weekend, and now it is in Gerri's room with all the books I have bought for her since I started this journey.  My psych eval is next week.  It is so nice to have things moving forward.  

I come from a wonderful family.  They have always managed to get by, but with not a lot extra.  I had to work very hard to make it through college...not many in my family have been able to go at all.  I did not go without in my childhood...we did not have many extras, but we had all we needed to survive.  I am fortunate to be in a position where I can give my little girl things that I wanted that my parents just could not have afforded for me...like a pink princess room!!  I had so much fun with this room.

I so look forward to my little girl being home.  I have waited and prayed for this my whole life, and it is close to becoming a reality!!

Puzzle Fundraiser

Time to start fundraising!!  I am going to start with my puzzle fundraiser.  Those familiar with Reece's Rainbow fundraising will know what this is all about, but for those who don't, here is an explanation.  I have chosen a wonderful Wizard of Oz puzzle in honor of a good friend of mine who just loves that movie.  It is 500 pieces.  For a donation of $5.00 to either my Chip In or my Reece's Rainbow FSP, I will add your name to the back of a puzzle piece.  Once all the pieces have been "purchased", the puzzle will be put together, and placed in a 2-way frame on my little girl's bedroom wall.  On one side, she will be able to see the puzzle.  On the other, she will be able to see the names of all the people who helped her Mummy bring her home.  If you donate, comment and let me know how you want your name to appear on the puzzle piece.  Thank you so much!!